If a more rubbish, drug-addled, fever-dreaming David Attenborough from an alternate and terrible universe had a home on the internet, this would be it. Staff Members are Professor Wonk Balastrude & Dr Susan Ptarmigan. 'Wonk studied Skittle Colour Theory at Wandsworth Tech, reaching the heady heights of a self-awarded PhD, making him the highest-ranked made-up authority on coloured sugar treats. A keen interest in science, waving his hands alarmingly when talking, and a gonky eye, make the Professor a very popular speaker and font of knowledge on subjects as diverse as Dope Beats, Pasta Shapes and noises you can hear from his kitchen. Wonk is responsible for our Science section. Away from his research, he enjoys reading about eggs and thinking about haircuts he would like to try.